I am Spent

Spent a lifetime trying to satisfy
a mother that could only see the
ugly side of me.

Spent three years chasing a boy
who loved the chase more than
he did my affection or well-being.

Spent a few years after stitching
the broken arteries in my chest.

Spent a couple of months between
a few individuals and I could not
say I remember their names.

Spent two years with a woman so
certain she loved other women that
she taught me how to be one, just
not the one I wanted to be.

Spent a month fighting tooth and
nail to stop the beating of my own
heart before I realized I liked the way
it felt thudding against my rib cage.

Every single time I breathe,
it pulls the stitches and
I think of you.

A pleasant surprise you always were,
though I’m terrified they’ll burst.

– B.

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